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Onion Onion & On*

December 2, 2018

Tortylicious has been woken from a (frankly, very refreshing) slumber by a significant threat to our democracy I speak of course about the concerns that have been raised about that Australian institution, the sausage sizzle and, by extension, the democracy sausage.**

 

As we all know, Australia has a system of compulsory voting. And, since we're a federation, we have both state and federal elections on the regular. Which means we're voting on average, every second weekend (which is, funnily enough, slightly less often than we change Prime Ministers). Which means everyone on the electoral roll has to at least turn up to the local primary school or church hall and head into the Sacred Booth of Governance to, well, hopefully, vote but frankly, who ever will know if you draw a picture of a chickpea on your ballot instead. But the requirement that we turn up, has given us the enterprising sausage sizzle that goes along with it. 


However, it seems that onions are as slippery as all get out and serving onions ON TOP of the sausage can cause all sorts of potential slipping hazards. Whilst there hasn't been a democracy sausage incident as yet, it seems that it's merely a matter of time. Trevor, a farmer from Queensland, was injured at his local Bunnings when he had what the ABC refers to as a 'greasy onion mishap' and slipped on a caramelised onion that had fallen on the floor. As a result of this, Bunnings ordered that, in future, all community groups holding their fundraising sausage sizzle at Bunnings have to put the onions on the BOTTOM so as to minimise the slippage risk. Many have weighed in on the furore, of course, debating the potential concerns vs impact on the whole sausage sizzle taste experience but fortunately, chef Matt Golinksi assured us that there was no right or wrong way to eat a sausage and that the location of the onions did not affect the taste.

 

That's good news and everything but it's hardly the point is it? The whole point of a democracy is that we get to vote on matters of national importance; we shouldn't have decisions forced upon us without the opportunity to have our say. Onions - over or under the sausage? Or even, controversially, AROUND the sausage. A referendum on the issue is urgently needed. "It is serious stuff, this onion thing," Trevor the farmer said.

 

And you're not wrong, Trevor. You're not wrong. 

 

                                                   George the dog says 'I shouldn't eat onions because it will make me sick"

 

                                  Tony the politician says 'I shouldn't eat onions because it will make me seem very odd indeed."

                                                                                                     Photo from abc.com.au

 

 

* You are MUCH too young to get this pun

 

**As a vegan (no, wait, there was the small matter of that Krispy Kreme), alright, vegetarian (oh, and then there was the small matter of that pretty ordinary fishcake), alright pescetarian,  I disapprove of what you eat but I will defend to the death your right to eat it.  But notwithstanding my only hypothetical support for your sausage-eating ways, the threat to the existence of the democracy sausage is something that cannot be borne.

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